i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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