Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
