I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
