Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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