You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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