No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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