Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
