Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
