I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my shit smells like andre
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.