just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
