my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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