just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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