she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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