It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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