I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
