The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
