I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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