Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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