just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
