There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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