My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
