He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
