Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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