I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cut my penus on the lid.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
