My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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