Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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