a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish i was in the wii world.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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