she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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