Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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