I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Holy shit dude........stairs
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