Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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