Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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