I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
