i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
