Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
