Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
