when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
NoShamevember. You game?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
