So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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