I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
