Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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