no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
