Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
