No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
