Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize