What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
