I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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