the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
