he puts the penis in happiness.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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