we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
