I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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