That's intense
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
