thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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