There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
