How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
