May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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