so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
