she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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