i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
