WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
