That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
