Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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