butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
