I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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