I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
