this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
