This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
