GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
