I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
