I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize