ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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