Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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