This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
