Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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