ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
