Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
