WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
