See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She needs sedatives and a leash
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
