i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
