The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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