...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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