Where are you?
In a non slutty way
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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