also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
