I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
