So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
