i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
