no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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