1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
