your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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