well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
