apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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