Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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