I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
