We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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