i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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